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The Office Tour for New Employees

Welcome, welcome! Let’s start with the heart of any dental practice, the reception desk and the lobby. This here is Helen. She’s been with us since the beginning … of time … I think. She is remarkably comfortable in her role and has lost most of her hearing during the past 10 years or so, which makes for a lot of responses that are both unexpected and unrelated to whatever you ask her. I’ve actually fired her once, but she didn’t hear it and I didn’t want to repeat myself.

As you can see, the waiting room is designed so patients have an intimate experience. While the chairs are mismatched, they are conveniently bolted to the ground, so you won’t need to go around straightening them or counting them at the end of the day.

Now, let’s move on to the treatment rooms. Do you like what almost passes for vintage if the upkeep had been kept up? The wallpaper peels off within a week no matter what we do. For some reason, the walls just always seem a little wet. Anyway, just tell patients that it’s a reminder that nothing lasts forever, including our restorative work. Really hammer that point home.

Our sterilization area is a bit crowded. This office was built back when sterilization was a bottle of whiskey. Now we use whiskey in team-building exercises on Friday. So think of this setup as a bonding experience for our instruments! They’re all here fostering camaraderie and creating some kind of antibiotic superbug that one day I might get to name after myself.

The break room is easy to miss. It’s here—this closet— where the team takes a breather … one at a time. Two or more bodies in here make for another sexual harassment complaint. We have a good system you should keep in mind: The coffee maker is available until 11 a.m. and then you switch it out for the microwave, which I keep in the back seat of my car.

Lastly, the restroom is a little bare-bones, but that helps keep the patients and staff from taking too much time in there. The toilet has a drinking fountain on the back of it, so if you need to refill your water bottle, that’s the place to do it. I got a good deal on the mirror in there. The clarity and clearness are lacking but at least this one can’t be broken into jagged shards after an especially long day. (Do you know of any assistants looking for a new job, by the way?) The aroma of the taco place next door fades after a while. The same goes for the music. Though sometimes even when I’m at home in bed, I sit up in the dark and ask out loud if anyone else hears a vihuela.

Humor with bite


Dentally Incorrect
Dentaltown Magazine
September 2023
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